bitter.sweets.of.life

I’ve been rejecting you
I’ve been walking all alone to be far away from you
I’ve been ignoring what actually I should listen to
I’ve been leaving you for another heart
I’ve been insisting you to wipe away what you believed in
I’ve been asking you to throw away those feelings
I’ve been making you always wondering and wondering
I’ve been one huge question which stuck in your head
I’ve been one giant disappointment in your romantic story
I’ve been the wrong step you took
I’ve been the shadow in the pass you used to look

But beyond all of that…..

I realized you are the sweetest memory during my tale
I realized how bad I miss that smile
I realized how pathetic I become without you on my side
Without you I become so fragile
I become so lost and confused
I become so empty and flat
I become so unstable and depressed
I become so…………bad

But after all……

I am the one who left alone
I am the one who prays and hopes
I am the one who is wondering
I am the one who is missing
And I am the one who is waiting
I am the one who can’t be “the one” for you

Do you see now I am standing here?
With a bucket of roses, I am wiping my tears
Reminiscing how could you lighten up those days?
You kept me smile, held my feet stand steady
To my world, you have shared your beauty

Now tell me what I am suppose to do
Facing your disappearance is way too hard to be done
Sorrow’s coming when I recalled you are the only fun
Those memories are too sweet to be forgotten
Not with 10 years, hundreds or even thousand

It’s been a while since you left me
But not even a single day I went thru without missing you
I was wondering if you were here, what you would be
Will you tap my back and push me to go thru?
Have I told you that I love you?
I dunno how, but still I love you
I dunno why, but still I miss you
I am and will always be here for you!

I walk slowly on the street of Desperate
Watching those kids crying and holding burden
I can see in their eyes they hope a lot to what we called fate
Not everybody can feel their emotion, because it’s hidden
Hidden and covered by that annoying melody
For me it’s annoying but for them it’s a sound of beauty
From that melody
They capture an image of a table full of rice and vegetables
They imagine a picture of decent clothes to go playing
They seize illustrations of books to go studying and one cute bag pack

Do you think they asked too much?
I am sure they also wonder where the God is
I am afraid they hesitate about His mighty love
All they want to do is keeping their mom’s stove, if they have a mom

Move from one ride to another ride
Sometimes they even show no doubt to fight
Because it’s the requirement to get a penny
They don’t give a damn about the hot weather
They don’t wanna move even it’s raining
I started to wonder do they have a lunch.
I think they have
From the garbage can in the corner of the street
They look for the rice we through away
They fight with those dirty mice
Don’t ask, they drink with no ice
A half of clean water which somebody left will be gold for them

Brothers
Hang on over there
Because I know you don’t have any other place to go
Now I can’t do anything to help you out
But someday I’ll clean up all your problems
Someday we’ll enjoy a decent meal together in one big table
Just hang on, pray and keep struggling!

here is the latest wallpaper I invented!!! comments are greatly welcome!

Comrades
Tell me when those times will come again
I am here still waiting for it to happen
You know I’ll always open my arms for you

Comrades
I wonder what you are doing now
Are you still using your car we always used?
Even now, do you keep my favorite movie in your shelf?

Comrades
Do you know that I am closing my eyes right now?
It’s really hurt to see that you are not next to me
I’ll open my eyes when I can hear your voice

Comrades
If you can spin the wheel of time please do
Make me laugh again with all of you
Let me join with your tears and lend a shoulder to cry on
Allow me to spend all my day to share prayers with you
Consent me to tell you my stories on my past and my dreams on the future
Please do, please

dedicated to all my folks out there

If you are only dream during my night
Please, don’t let anyone wake me up tomorrow
And I pray to the God and hope He will make the longest night I could have
Let me sleep and see you dance next to me
I don’t mind spending my whole week only to see you

If you are only imagination during my muse
Then I wanna be the biggest dreamer
I wanna leave reality and live in my imagination with you
You ain’t my everything
But everything will feel nothing without you

If you are sunshine during my day
Then I will finish my 24 hours with the butterflies on my yard
Dancing and singing happily celebrating your sparkle
So the world know that your existence is the only thing matter

If I can’t have you on this life
Then I pray as much as I can to have you on my next life
So the Angels know how hard live without the one who makes you smile is

“I thought I could rely on you!” it was the way my ex-boss ended his call. I failed to clean up the tower which would be checked by the guy who uses our service in the next day. Back then, my job was actually a technician whose duty like managing the PCs, software and hardware. I also got extra duties such as clean up the air conditioner and helping my boss to maintain the towers. Well, I worked in a game center but the company I worked on has more then one business to run and it includes tower for Telkom Co, if I am not mistaken.

I still quite remember, it was almost late afternoon around 2.30 pm. me and the other 2 guys who actually would clean up the tower, the air conditioner of the tower actually, arrived at area called Gedangan. We had two towers to clean that day, one in the Gedangan and the other in the area which is near with Lapindo’s mud flood. My boss called me and told me that the guy from Telkom will check tomorrow for routine inspection. In addition, he also needed to make sure that the tower and its area are clean; if not then I got another extra task.

To be honest, I found it was pretty grimy. Easily I saw plastic bag and leaves over here and there, it was just NOT neat. I was obviously confused with all of those; I needed to clean that tower and another one which will take an hour to go there. I wanted to leave my job as soon as possible that day; I’ve got a girlfriend to pick up at 5.30pm. That’s why I was in rush. I didn’t clean the tower in a proper way; I just left and went to another one. Even though I extracted everything, I still left the last tower around 5.45pm. My ex-girlfriend was the only thing came up in my mind; I didn’t give a damn about my boss and his craps.

So on the way went to her office, my phone rang and I saw my ex-boss’ name on its display. He was getting mad of me as hell, he said that the guy did the pre-inspection and found everything was dirty. He also mentioned that it was the dirtiest tower he’s ever seen. Thus, my boss decided to go to the tower by himself and see. He demanded me to get to the tower one more time. He hanged up the phone with a sentence and I still have that sentence in my mind, it was “I thought I could rely on you!” That second, I forgot about my ex-girlfriend so I called her and said I couldn’t pick her up that day because of bla bla bla. I prayed to my God and hoped that my ex-boss wouldn’t murder me and he didn’t. God helped me; he made a hard raid around his area so he couldn’t come out of his place. Again, he called me and said that it would be better if we clean up the tower together tomorrow. YAY me…

The point is choosing one, never try to do all the options you have if you actually NEED to choose one. Doing both might be make sense but you are about to notice in the end that it ain’t work.